Dear Diary

Dear Diary: Comparison is the thief of joy

Hey dear readers it’s been a while eh? In fact, it’s been a whole month since I last put fingers to the keyboard on this here blog as to be honest it was starting to give me quite a bit of anxiety. A month without posting anything and no explanation seems a long time but actually, in the grand scheme of things, a month is no time at all.

You see here’s the thing; I have all these wonderful ideas about this blog and where I want it to go and what I see it becoming and I got ever so excited at these ideas that kept coming to me but getting from where I am now to where I want to be seems like such a monumental task that I then got super overwhelmed and panicky that I wasn’t good enough to see them through.

To use an analogy, it’s like I’m a three-stage evolution Pokemon. (Bear with me on this one OK?) My blog is a Charmander; a cute little baby blog with fire in its belly. But before it can reach its final bad ass Charizard form I’ve got to step up my game and grind my way through the Charmeleon stage to get there. Which would be fine if I didn’t keep comparing myself to other bloggers who seem to be levelling up at a rate that I just can’t keep up with. It doesn’t even help that they’re water or fairy type Pokemon (aka in a different niche from Broke in the Big Smoke) so it’s completely useless to compare them to my own fire type (Budget lifestyle) evolution!

Enough of that analogy, hopefully you get what I’m trying to say: comparison is the thief of joy as the saying goes and this is literally what has happened to me. I’ve compared my success (or lack thereof) to so many other bloggers that it sucked all the fun out of writing. I over extended myself and accepted too many invitations to things I wasn’t particularly bothered about then struggled to write about them because my heart wasn’t in it but I felt like I had to because I’d agreed to. Or worse, I didn’t write anything about them at all and then felt horribly guilty for not doing so to the point it put me off writing anything at all.

It makes those opportunities that do make me truly excited feel like they’re not deserved. I recently stayed at the incredible Malmaison hotel in Oxford and as much as I LOVE staying in fancy hotels (and this is one of the fanciest I’ve been in!) I also felt like a complete imposter who didn’t deserve to be there. EXCEPT of course I did or I wouldn’t have been there in the first place duh!

However, since then two things have happened. One Taylor Swift released a new single which I am totally obsessed with. I know a lot of people hate it and that’s their prerogative but just with 1989 and Red before it I have a feeling that Taylor is going to have exactly the right words at the right time for me in Reputation; it doesn’t matter what other people think of you so long as you’re happy with yourself.

And two I didn’t get a job that I really, really wanted (I was second choice apparently) which while gutting has made me realise that so long as I am trying my hardest it is enough. I might need to grind that little bit longer to get to where I want to be but I will get there. It’ll just take time.

So, dear readers, prepare for change and watch this space but bear with me as it will likely be a slow burner. When I get back from Japan (ohmigod we leave 3 weeks today!) provided I haven’t bankrupted myself I’m hoping to work with my good friend Jasmin who’s just launched her blog and business coaching services to help me figure out how to make all those ideas a reality!

I have a ton of my own content that I need to post from my unexpected hiatus and I’m also looking for some guest bloggers to take the reins when I’m away as I don’t plan on working from such a beautiful location as Japan (and our schedule is so ridiculously packed that I doubt I would have time anyway!)

2 thoughts on “Dear Diary: Comparison is the thief of joy

  1. ahh I can totally sympathize with the going to a event then having writers block, with me its a case of ” wow that sounds fun” and it often is but then when I get home I think hmm but actually what can I write about this other than a post saying ” hey guys I went to this fun party that you cant go to , but ya know it was fun” …. tis hard sometimes

  2. When I clicked on this post I did not expect to learn as much about Pokemon as I did. Thank you for the education. That blogger guilt really likes to creep up on us from all angles, doesn’t it?

    Kick it in the nads, Leanne, you’re awesome xx

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