Dear Diary

Dear Diary: In Defence of Being Single

OK so I’m actually really annoyed at myself for writing this but it’s really been annoying me for the past couple of days and I want to get something off my chest.

There is nothing wrong with being single.

You do not need to be in a relationship to be happy.

It is better to be on your own than in the wrong relationship.

single

With that out of the way, here’s what prompted this minor outburst. I was at a friend’s wedding at the weekend and a fabulous wedding it was. I was there on my own, as I more often am than not at these kind of things, and having a wonderful time. It was a chance to catch up with friends from home that I haven’t seen in a long time as well as people I haven’t seen in the ten years since we left school and the bride’s mum who happened to be an old teacher.

Anyway it was towards the end of the night and fuelled with prosecco I’d been laughing and dancing away on the dance floor quite contentedly until I needed to take a breather and sat myself down for a bit. I was approached by a man that I’d been introduced to only that day who was at the wedding with his girlfriend, the apparent love of his life, who decided to lecture me on being single on how I needed to “put myself out there” and how I couldn’t possibly be happy with life on my own. Despite my protestations to the contrary he was not interested in my opinion and was intent on making it known that he was not impressed that I was single.

I was initially puzzled by his comments and how they had come out of the blue but having had time to ponder upon them I’m even more confused. For starters how did he know that I was single? Many people go to weddings on their own without their other half. Why was he so concerned about my happiness? This was a stranger who I had only just met, who knows nothing about me or my life or my situation. Was he in fact hitting on me? Was he lamenting the single life and wished that he was free to ask me out on a date?! In the end I just figured that he’d had too much to drink which was made all the more plausible by his suggestion we hail a taxi (we were all staying at the bride and grooms flat for the night) in the middle of a pitch black car park rather than call one from the very nearby, well lit hotel!

This isn’t the first time something like this has been said to me. One of the first things my mother likes to ask me whenever we talk is how my love life is. Why does it matter how my love life is? Surely what matters is how my life is, how my health is, how my job is – these things are all important to my happiness, my health needs to be good so that I can work so that I can earn money and do the things I enjoy doing. My love life is neither here nor there and quite frankly none of anyone’s business. (Except my lovely readers with whom I will share things when I am good and ready and keep other things to myself.) If it’s going to happen it will happen, there is no point in rushing it.

Anyway, that’s all I really have to say on the matter. If you’re single and happy – good for you. You do not need someone to “complete” you. If you’ve found the love of your life and are happy then good for you. Please do not try to make single people feel bad because of something you think is an important part of life when they might not feel the same way. Same thing goes for people who don’t want to get married or don’t want to have children. We’re all different, that’s what makes the world such a fascinating place.

8 thoughts on “Dear Diary: In Defence of Being Single

  1. Hells yes! Who the hell cares and why does it matter? I suspect it is an age thing, however I suspect in ten to fifteen years, single people will be preferable to divorced newly single people.

    I feel the same about the question: ‘When are you going to have a baby?’ Eh, why thank you, stranger, but what does that have to do with you. When you are single, people force their feelings on relationships on you, when you are in a serious relationship, they question when you will get engaged and once you are married, it’s all the baby chat. It’s fudging dull. Surely there is something better to speak about?

  2. This used to really wind me up when I was single and I used to say the same thing, it’s better to be happy and single than unhappy with someone else! It was usually older people, who come from a generation where you settled down pretty quickly, and don’t really understand that the world has changed! I was asked once when I would settle down “because your mum would really like to be a granny”! What even is that?! 😀 x

  3. I totally agree! But, I have found even when you get married….the next question is “When are you going to have kids?” When I tell people it’s very likely I actually WON’T have children they look at you like you’re crazy. Everyone just ASSUMES you must have children to justify your life and be happy in your marriage. Bottom line…it’s astonishing to see how truly out dated and old fashioned peoples views still are even when they are from people who are under 30. My hats off to you! Being single is fantastic and like your meme says “you’re going to have to be amazing to change that!”

  4. I think the reality is that happiness and relationships are entirely isolated properties. There are happy people in relationships, there are sad people in relationships. There are happy single people, there are sad single people. There are even people sad BECAUSE they are single. But there are also people sad because they can’t afford a nice car. That does not mean that to be happy you need a nice car…

    I think people that try and enforce these views are clinging to them thinking that they somehow define them as a person. That actually includes being vehemently single, ironically.

    Happy, sad, single or otherwise – you’ve got a great blog. 🙂

  5. I understand your frustration Leanne. I’m a bit older than you and it only seems to get worse in terms of comments from certain people. I have old acquaintances now that I don’t actively see any more because I grew sick of being asked was I dating and when I said no, having them immediately start suggesting ways to fix it! Then there are the people who seem to phase me out because I am single, whether because I am not a rounded pair for the wedding invites or parties or for other unknown reasons.

    It’s ridiculous and closed minded. I have learnt to appreciate the friends I have who don’t judge me because I am currently not dating and don’t see me as lacking something because of it. I’m also fortunate to have older friends I’ve met who are still single, who give me extra perspective.

    As long as you learnt o be happy with yourself that’s much more important! 🙂

  6. I read this the other day, but was in the wrong account for commenting purposes. 1. This is ridiculous. 2. Where the hell do these kinds of people get the idea that everyone else is interested in their opinions and wants to hear them?! If you had asked for an opinion or advice, that’s one thing. But you didn’t. So weird that some folks have such strong self assurance that’s totally unwarranted. Winds me up no end.

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